Sonnets no. 29 by William Shakespeare

Sonnet, Acrylic, 10x 10, 2011 Myungja Anna Koh

  "When in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes, 
I all alone beweep my outcast state, 
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, 
And look upon myself and curse my fate, 
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, 
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope, 
With what I most enjoy contented least.
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings. "
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                 - Sonnets no. 29 by William Shakespeare

Until I purely find my world and identity in the painting, it was such a person who constantly compares me with other people and laments.
With this depressed and desperate mind, I should always seek what the point of lack by myself is. However, since I couldn't find my true self, I had no choice but to rely on the recognition and praise around me without knowing the true joy of life. After writing so far and looking back to my sentences, it is like a testimony of Christianity. In my experience,  it was like the process of becoming a Christian.

 Anyway, I did love the poem of sonnets no. 29 of Shakespeare, and it gives me comfort and cheer. But I can't understand What Shakespeare was trying to say until I bring that sentence into my life. 

 Above all, there are countless gas lightings around us. Gaslighting is what hinders you from seeing the essence of an object. It keeps you from finding the lark at the door of heaven and keeps you trapped in constant despair and dissatisfaction. 

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that occurs in abusive relationships. The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton, known in America as " Angel Street" and later developed into the film " Gas Light" by Alfred Hitchcock. In the suspense film, a manipulative husband tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind by making subtle changes in her environment, including slowly and steadily dimming the flame on a gas lamp. Not only does he disrupt her background and make her believe she is insane, but he also abuses and controls her, cutting her off from family and friends. As a result, she loses her identity as he intended and eventually goes crazy.

In order to live a free life from gaslighting, the emotional process of losing oneself and becoming someone other than oneself is an excellent way to building self-reliance and confidence in defining their reality. 

When I find myself through art and find myself, for the first time, I can understand the sentence " Like to the lark at break of day arising". Even though my reality is shabby and lacking, I don't want to change with anyone. 

Art found reality in the gaslighting surrounding me, made me feel complete, and eventually helped me escape it. 
The gaslighters said to me, incessantly trying to see something happen.
"Everything is your fault, and you are useless. If you don't listen to me, you can't survive." 
 But I believed these strange words until I visited a hospital to care my Thyroid disease.  The hospital is in Germany, the doctor's name is Joseph Gatti. His clinic looked like an art gallery, with many pictures hanging on every wall, and there were some art books and art catalogs on the table. So, by chance, I picked up an art masterpiece of paintings by an artist and started looking at them during the waiting time.  The book says that Nobody is perfect. It is a simple and common word, but it strongly impacted the related paintings. I realized the reality that each other's incomplete entities hurt each other, and I understood my incompleteness and put it down.​ 

What should we do first to protect ourselves from the many gaslighters such as wrong media, content that we act as emotional manipulator from  people sometimes myself and live a happy life like a skylark at the gate of heaven? Perhaps even a few hundred years ago, Shakespeare pondered the matter and came to this conclusion.

​" From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings. "
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Reference: 
what to do if you're getting gaslighted, First Person, firstperson@vox.com
What is Gaslighting? by Sherri Gordon, reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW