It snowed and snowed throughout the land,
A ceaseless snowing.
On the table, a candle burned;
A flame was glowing.

Like a swarm of gnats in summer
That flock to a light,
Snowflakes flew to the windowpane,
Afloat in the night.

The storm drew arrows on the glass
And circles, growing.
On the table, a candle burned;
A flame was glowing.

Up on the ceiling, shadows stirred,
Vivid and fleeting,
But where hands met and then legs met
Two fates were meeting.

And, knocked to the floor with a thud,
Two shoes came to rest;
And wax fell as lightly as tears
On folds of a dress.

All disappeared in snowy haze,
Blinding and blowing;
On the table, a candle burned;
A flame was glowing.

The candle shook in a draft, caught
In the chill one brings;
Temptation's heat, like an angel,
Raised its cross-shaped wings.

All February long it snowed,
And time and again
On the table, a candle burned;
A flame was glowing.

Змияя ночь by Boris Pasternak
Translated by Frank Beck

  ​This poem was written by Boris Pasternak, a poem called Winter Night. If you look at the poem itself, it seems to be a compressed version of “Doctor Zhivago,” which is famous for its novels and movies.

​ The background of 'Winter Night' is the Russian Revolution in the dark, 'Snowstorm' is a whirlpool of revolution that swept all the way to Siberia, and 'Candlelight' symbolizes an individual's life swaying precariously in front of the storm of the times. The “Shadow of Destiny,” which crosses paths in a flashlight-like situation, resembles the novel’s main characters, Yuri and Lara.

  Until a certain picture is drawn by an artist, there is always time for a painter to feel the condensation of energy in his soul. Energy that is difficult to describe in words runs through my head like complicated thoughts, inspiration or imaginations that suddenly arise.

 At this time, the painter must bring out this energy. Otherwise, this energy is intense and hot, as if burning the painter itself like a candle. I sometimes wonder if this energy itself wanted to come out into the world. Because after being taken out, the painter tastes a peace and tranquility that cannot be expressed in the world. Because of this inexplicable phenomenon, the artist can continue to paint.

 A painter is a vessel that feels this energy and brings it out in a visible form to the world. I accepted this role as a vessel as a mission in my life and since then my life has become simple and comfortable. I accepted it as my destiny in my life.

 Today I received an email from my VIP art lover with New Year's greetings. This is an e-mail interpreting the October candlelight among the calendar pictures I sent to the customer.
​
He read a poem called Winter Night from Dr. Zhivago's movie or novel from this candle and told it to me. I think this in-depth interpretation is the greatest gift to a painter.

 Often, a painter receives a certain energy and draws a picture, but there are many times when the picture is not understood. Or, there are times when I discover the reason and meaning of the painting only later. Especially since I usually paint unintentional pictures. Through my unintended paintings, I gained comfort, healing, and the courage to go out into the wild world. I am the one who delivers these comforts. My paintings in 2023 want to light up the world like this candle.

  Two books were published on Amazon this year. One is a children's book, Hello My Robin, and the other is a book for grown-ups, Fancy Nail Anna. I completely finished the paperback work of Fancy snail Anna today. If you want to continue publishing, you will need to know how to create your own ebooks and format paperback. In my case, it is difficult to cover the cost of about 500 dollars per book.

​ Anyway, these two books were finally officially published within this year.

​If you publish through Amazon Direct Publishing, you must register on the following site.

 ​And when you register a book, you will have a bookshelf like the one below. In my case, I currently have two books registered. Live means that it is being sold on Amazon, and in-review means that it is currently being reviewed. We will notify you of the results of the review within 72 hours. In my case, I was approved for publication very quickly.

​Even if the target of evaluation was A.I, it seems that my efforts were recognized. I drew a picture of a children's book in watercolor. A total of 15 pictures were required.

  Since this is the first book and I mainly wrote text and images rather than editing and design, half of the 32 pages were filled with pictures by arranging them in the order of pictures after the text. But next time, I'm going to make a more diverse editing change in a spread format.

​Below is an example of a watercolor drawing of the background of Fancy Nail Anna. After placing and drawing the pieces on a single picture, I cut them out one by one with Photoshop and attached them to the corresponding background.

​And the main characters, snails, were drawn with Photoshop.

​In my case, I couldn't invest a lot of money because my budget was absolutely tight. Therefore, after the formatting of the first volume, I have to do everything myself. In short, I did the writing, illustrating, and formatting, and I asked the experts around me to edit the English language. Thankfully, the first book was editted by Professor Stephanie in my master's course. The second book was helped by my son.

Actually, Jelf Publishing takes the following budget. (Cite self-publishing school)

  In my case, the first volume is recommended to experience formatting by experts. That way, you can become more confident and develop a sense of professional formatting. And as a result of formatting and uploading myself, the advantages are as follows.

- Sense of Achievement: There is a sense of pride and achievement that you have done on your own. Since you know the whole process in detail, it is likely that this will become your own know-how and skill.

-Speed: The cumbersome process of requesting modifications and confirming that they have been requested is eliminated. You can modify the results by experiencing trial and error yourself.

- Cost: This goes without saying. It costs absolutely nothing.

The downside is that expert formatting has the know-how of experts only. Therefore, it is necessary to continuously acquire editing skills in order to keep up with these professional skills.

In my case, I chose to learn by myself independently because I want to write and compile as often as possible. And I hope this leads to the third, fourth, and so on.

  Finally, my second picture book, "The story of the fancy snail, Anna", has been published through Amazon. Currently, it is only available in ebook form. A paperback is in preparation. The first book, "Hallo! My Robin", was formatted and uploaded through a professional company. I'll do a separate post on this story.

 Anyway, the second book, "The story of the fancy snail, Anna", was done directly without going through a company. In my opinion, if you want to publish a book for the first time, it is a good idea to have a professional formatting done for you. In my case, I commissioned a professional company because of the pressure of being my first book and the desire to approach it more professionally. And after publishing my first book, I gained confidence. From the second, I was able to do it myself.

  ​The second picture book, Anna the Snail, is written for grown-ups aged 13 and over. Actually, it doesn't matter if your child reads it, but to understand the structure of the story, you need to understand the psychological term narcissism. Because it depicts a morbid relationship rather than a mother-daughter relationship based on general love and sacrifice, it contains lines that are difficult for children who have not yet established values to read.

  I have been preparing this snail story for over a year. Before that, I had to read related books and collect informations. And I had to construct the dialogue and design those characters and plots. After such a long time, a story was born. Above all, the master's course at Adelphi university's  Educational Theater, where I am currently pursuing, was very helpful. Through this study, I also discovered my vision as a writer.

  ​I am most grateful to have completed the publication of two books before the end of the year. And next year, I look forward to being more active as an artist. Thank you for always supporting us.

  Much of our lives are influenced by the people around us. If you are lucky enough to live with good people, happiness will be multiplied by the precious energy exchanged. However, there are far more cases in the world where we suffer from toxic people like energy vampires around us than these happy cases.

  In this sense, I decided to create a book for grown-ups where people suffering from verbal and emotional abuse, by not their fault, can find their path, heal, and gain energy by escaping from a draining relationship. This book was about the story of Anna, a snail who slowly but happily finds her way. Nancy is a typical narcissistic mother, and  Anna is a codependent who suffers from narcissistic relationships. Nancy considers her daughter, Anna, her trophy and has no interest in Anna's heart, pain, or happiness. Raised in such a narcissistic mother, Anna lives only for her mother's expectations and satisfaction without caring about herself. Then one day, Anna meets an incident where she has to break her shell and go out into her world alone. Can Anna, a snail abandoned on her own, eventually find her path and true happiness?

​  More than anything else, this book is "Will I ever be good enough? (by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.)", and the story of a narcissistic mother's pattern and her daughters suffering from it was created as a motif. With this book, I hope you will forget the hurt and pain you received from energy vampires for a while and taste the happiness of finding your true self.