Art! , Helping to let go of the need for praise, acceptance and acknowledgment.
Competing in society, at work, or at school, you realize how difficult it is to be validated and recognized. If we live with the influence of those around us, being evaluated and conscious of recognition, we will often be burned out without realizing it. What should you do if you find this kind of problem in your life?
Above all, if you do not adequately evaluate and acknowledge yourself or accept self-validation, your self-esteem is easily weak. When it happens, you become addicted to being approved and praised by others. In particular, if left unattended in this case, it is easy to become a target of attack by narcissists, sociopaths, and Machiavellianism. In other words, you lose control of your life and become swayed by others.
To keep your self-esteem healthy and protect yourself from aggressive and manipulative energy vampires, you must find a way to verify yourself.
According to Dr. Karen Hall, validation is the "recognition and acceptance" of someone else's experience. Self-validation is the ability to recognize and acknowledge your own internal experience. It is not about agreeing with someone or accepting their thoughts as your own; taking these thoughts and experiences as valid. The problem arises when self-validation is not possible or is not valued. In other words, if an individual puts the opinion, approval, or recognition of someone else over their feelings, they will need that external, other person's validation on an ongoing basis.
Some time ago, I confirmed some didactic factors in the lecture of Professor Kim Kyung-il, a YouTuber in the field of Korean psychology, that it is a significant thing than getting other people's approval. Unfortunately, there is no English version, so here's a summary. In other words, the practical experience for people who are thirsty for the approval and attention of others and cannot protect their self-esteem is to try cultural and artistic activities that are not related to their achievements, such as a hobby. In other words, when you admire yourself through a small achievement step by step, you find your true self-esteem.
Generally speaking, a person who is thirsty for the approval of others is dependent on and swayed by the evaluation of others. They may live a life that is not free from the gaze of others. Personally, there is a scene where I recall whenever I am concerned about the gaze or evaluation of others. It is one of Aesop's fables.
it's a the Miller, His Son, & the Ass.
If we can't concentrate to write our own story and struggle to please others, and we may end up tying the donkey upside down, like a scene in Aesop's fables.
Professor Kyung-il Kim's lecture also points this out. However, knowing this fact well, it is not easy to be completely free from the gaze of others. It is because verification or evaluation by others is also one of the crucial proof factors. However, If you lose your self-esteem and have emotional problems, you should be encouraged to deviate from the assessment of others.
In this case, art activities are the most helpful. In particular, the act of drawing helps them discover themselves that they did not know and comfort and heal themselves. As you draw, it's a little slow, but you start to admire yourself and praise yourself. Because every time you draw, you can develop little by little and discover a new side of yourself.
The poor Miller now set out sadly for home. By trying to please everybody, he had pleased nobody, and lost his Ass besides.
Myungja Anna Koh