I Didn’t Choose Art. It Chose Me.

I Didn’t Choose Art. It Chose Me.

​Me Who Lived Like Fire, and the Water of Art
​
A while ago, I saw a graph that visually showed the flow of my life.
In Eastern philosophy, human temperament is explained by the five natural forces—fire, earth, metal, water, and wood.
It was a graph that showed how strongly each of those five energies was established within me.

Surprisingly, the energy of ‘fire’ was so strong within me,
and there was almost no energy of ‘water’ to cool and circulate the fire.
Ah, I thought, I have really been living a life that just kept burning.

​Sword and Fire Inside Me

Another interesting thing is that I also have a cold and sharp metal energy inside me.
When fire and metal meet in nature, they hurt each other.
Fire melts metal, and metal cuts fire.
They are so different that they collide when they meet.

I know that very well.
It burns hot and sharp,

Maybe fire and sword were fighting inside me. At this time, the sword means logic and organization. In other words, it is like a warm candle, but there is a cool-headed thinking ability inside.

But I didn't have water.
​
I needed something to moderate the fight.
That was the energy of 'water'.
When fire meets water, it doesn't overheat,
and metal becomes a cold but beautiful jewel.

But I didn't have water inside me.
So I often got tired,
I couldn't express my feelings in words,
and I lived like someone who was slowly burning out.

​So I started drawing
One day, I started drawing.
At first, it was just good, and it made me feel comfortable.
Then, at some point, I realized.
This wasn't just a hobby, it was a way to live for me.

The stories I couldn't tell in words,
The emotions I had buried deep inside my heart
flowed out naturally in my drawings.
Drawing was like 'water' to me.

​I purified myself with art
My heart, which had been hot and sharp,
became softer little by little as it met the flow of painting.
The burning energy no longer burned me,
but became a light that illuminated me. And that energy tempered the gold inside me.

Only then did I realize.
Art was not a choice, but survival.
If I hadn't painted,
I might have had to live as something other than myself.

​Now it's starting to flow little by little
My mind has become much lighter recently.
I can take care of myself by drawing at my own pace, without pushing myself as hard as I used to.
I think I've finally found 'flow' in my life.

Now I'm no longer someone who holds on by force,
but someone who lives by purifying the fire and metal inside me with art.

Art was my essence,
and now it's time to live with that essence.

​Why I Had to Live as an Artist
Everyone has their own way of living.
Some people are good at talking,
Some are good at taking care of others,
Some feel secure in organizing and planning.

I was a little different.
I always had hot emotions inside me.
When I got absorbed in something, I had to see it through to the end,
And I was someone who lived with a single hurtful word for days.

​If it weren't for painting, I might have died.

At that time, I started painting.

I poured out emotions that could not be explained in words,
with a brush, with colors, on paper.

Surprisingly,
after painting, I felt alive.

It was as if my emotions had found a channel,
and the weight deep inside my heart was slowly released.

I knew then.

This was not a hobby or an expression,
but a way for me to survive.

​Painting is a mirror that reflects me, and the water that keeps me alive
The reason I had no choice but to do art is simple.

Painting was the only tool to deal with the complex and intense world inside me.

For me, art

was a way to relieve emotions,

a breathing hole that kept the balance of life,

and at the same time, the only bridge that could reach other people's hearts.

Perhaps this was a small and quiet mission given to me.

To comfort people's hearts with color rather than words, with temperature rather than theory.

My mission is not to "draw well" but to "draw the real thing."
I now know.

Living as an artist
is not about becoming "a person who draws well"
but about becoming "a person who can draw my true emotions, my true story."

Drawing is the balance of my life,
the alchemy that turns the wounds inside me into light,
and the reason I've been able to endure until now
and the reason I'll continue to live.

​That's why I have to live as an artist.
Art is not a choice for me,
but an instinct, a destiny, and a path to recovery.

I pick up my brush today,
and pour a piece of emotion that cannot be explained in words onto the paper.

And if that painting
can be a small comfort to someone --
that's why I live as an artist.